Just a quick vent...

So everything I thought about life, or believed has completely changed in the space of a year! 2010 will definitely be one of those years that I am QUITE alright saying goodbye to! I have heard about people going through life altering experiences that help them put the important issues that they need to focus on at the fore frontm but I did not realize that when life decides to start happen, it does not let up JUST because you are hurting, but instead it strikes harder!! This without a doubt is a tough pill to swallow since it is not nearly as easy to do what you have to do, when you would rather do what you want to. And yet here I am, alive and blessed and still going through the constant emotions that life is throwing at me!
My spiritual growth has been pivotal in the process of handling everything. There is no way that I could go on if I did not believe that there is something better. The phrase 'The Lord will never put you through something that you can not handle' has never rung more true. I am seeking for my salvation because nothing else in the world matters. My days of living young and free are not gone, but have definitely been redefined. My days of not caring and recklessly stepping out with no regard or emotion have long since left me! I used to view emotion as a weakness, but it has since become my biggest strength! I know I cry and express emotions sporadically now but hey it's a process.... but I know I would rather be loved today than cry tomorrow and wonder why I am alone. The idea of not being with one person for the rest of my life scares me, the idea of being desirable to a thousand people does not appeal to me as much as finding that one person who will see me for me! I have known love, I lost it, and fought the heartache that came with this loss! But now I know how I want to be loved..... I know how much love I have to give and my prayer is the Lord blesses me with a life, a love and a chance to be more than I have let myself become. 
So basically, through my experiences, what I have learnt is that as a child of God, I AM WORTHY! This therefore is my declaration to being a saved lady who lives a life that I am proud of!

Quick Guide on How To Understand An Aquarius Woman!

So if you know me, you know I'm not even the one to be quoting no kinda astrological nothing. (except when it comes to virgos cause those I CAN NOT DO! lol!)However, that don't mean that I do not recognize that I AM AN AQUARIUS!... It's been said...and i quote..

"Her dreams are very different from that of a normal female and she hums a different tune, which most of us have not even heard of."

Basically..you don't get me! But here is a quick guide on how to stay on this mysterious lady's good side:

1: "Loyal but detached and extremely non-emotional" so BASICALLY what that means is gain my loyalty...and I got you. Just don't start talking no 'Love Mess' cause I don't swim in that stream. Don't play me...Don't start nothing. So just flow with my flow. 

2: "she loves her freedom and if you accept this, she will love you more."...the book couldn't have said it any clearer...DON'T SMOTHER ME! This is that classic, 'don't call me, I'll call you' status. Not that I do not like attention, but I'm a strong believer of moderation.

3: "she will trust you completely, and will not be suspicious of your activities."-- Basically because I know what a great catch I am, I will not expect you to cheat. So as easy I am to play because I am totally unassuming, I am also very easy to lose, cause once I'm gone...I'm gone! PERIOD!

4: "she will always want to know your deepest thoughts and secrets, but her dreams are out of reach." -- You talk, I listen...I'm not the topic of conversation, if you NEED to know something, I'll tell you, the rest...Is my business!

5: "An Aquarius female may find it difficult to express her love in the form of hugs and kisses and you will have to teach her that"-- calm down...I'm working on it!!!

So let me be strange, let me be unusual! Take me as I am, cause I sure will take you as you are.I'm a 'heavenly bohemian' I live by my rules. That's all I know...actually, that's all that works!
 

IT is WHAT IT is!!!!

Ok…..wow! So I just had a game revelation! I don’t mean football but I mean “The GAME” as in the best show ever. I’ll give those not up to game a quick play by play so you understand the situation before I share my revelation. So there is Melanie, who moves with her college sweetheart, Derwin, to a new state so he can play professional football. She gives up her life and her dreams so he can achieve whatever he thinks he needs to achieve and of course he messes it up, cheats and they break up. Then while they broken up he meets Janay, and then she gets pregnant. But of course, Derwin is still in love with Melanie, she in love with him, and Janay now stuck in the middle. So until recently, I did not like Janay cause she killed the happily ever after that was meant to be Derwin and Melanie’s!



BUT….. I just had a thought!!!!!! Ok, why hate on Janay!!!!


In reality, I think everybody has one or two people in their lives that they fall “stoopid” for. Right, and if that person loves you back, (or you think they do) then we have a Melanie and Derwin situation. The fairytale begins, and all that great stuff…. Then when that ends, and someone else steps in they immediately become a Janay. Their chances are half-ass cause they can never be, that person that gave you the initial butterflies, and made you all light headed just by thinking about them. We let the reality of our lives be clouded by the fantasy of what may be… The reality which is there is NO PERFECT situation!!! No happily ever after….Just WHAT IS! So I think the quicker people accept their reality and stop chasing the ‘what may’ this here life we live shall be a little more bearable!

my future love. . .

I do not know you, but every part of me loves you. That special type of love that knows no bounds and no limits; Nothing in the world compares to what you mean to me. From the moment we meet and we lock eyes, to the moment I breathe my last, I know nothing can equate to the knowledge of knowing that…you…. Belong to me! I’m humbled to know you are in my life that I will be blessed to love you, cry with you, laugh with you and place my greatest hopes on you. The Lord gave you to me for a reason, he could have chosen anybody else, but he chose you for me. He placed you in my heart and everyday I thank him and praise him in advance because even though I do not know you… you have already changed my life.


I think of your smile, the shape of your eyes and the contours of your face. How I long to touch you, to feel your heartbeat against mine, and to share moments that will for eternity be lodged in my memory and in my heart. I pray I do not disappoint you, and each day I pray for strength that the Lord may mould me further into the woman I am meant to be for you. That my own insecurities and fears do not overwhelm me and hold me back from actively and efficiently being the Tatenda that you will require me to be. I am changing….and its because of you. I do not know you, but every part of me thanks you for changing my life.

Case of the Lion

I remember the last time I went to the Zoo or wherever it was that it was, I was sitting on the little bus that takes you on the Safari ride (RIGHT: the on that’s meant to make you feel like you one with Africa *eye roll*) Anyway, so while I was riding, I remember looking and thinking how pretty flawless and majestic the pride of lions looked. SO happy and in sync with one another. The lions were perched up, sitting all proud and observing us, observe them and still at this time knowing that the lionesses and cubs were in fair distance, seemingly unconcerned with us. And still as calmly as the lions sat you could feel that if anyone tried to mess with their pride, they will be up in no time, to defend their own.

So here I start my train of thought which will lead me to my bold declaration. . . why have lions mastered the art of trust and protection which leads to harmonious living, and we humans can’t even figure it out. Here I am, this strong stubborn young lady, (who in every sense would be a perfect lioness) and yet, I have trouble letting a man, play the role of the lion ( I got that classic, ‘YOU WANT ME TO TRUST HIM TO PROTECT WHO’ mentality). Who’s fault is that some wise soul might ask….. NOT MINE I reply! Here is what I figure. My whole life every man that has ever been in my life has actually never given me the sense of security to where I can be careless enough to let my guard down and think that if anyone tried to attack me, MY LION would jump in and save me. So of course, I blame the men. What happened during creation that God gave the lion a sense of protecting their lionesses and God forgot to give this to our human male. I feel like the classic human male sits, perched  proud and what not but ABSOLUTELY unable to spring up and save anything. As I write this, I hear my mother’s voice telling me, “you have to let the man be a man.” And I say, NONSENSE MAMA, if I let the man lead, Mr. I’m  NOT so nice predator man, WILL eat me and my cub up. So NO… I say u sit there proud man, you look the part, but don’t you worry about me trusting you to play it…. BECAUSE I DON’T!

Aint Karma a Bitch!

I been gone a while, stuck in my head, seemingly bearing the worlds weight on my shoulders. I been struggling to keep afloat amidst the mass distractions that keep pulling me down. The pain, the anger, the inability to simply have one question answered....WHY???

Doesn't it always seem like the moment you decide to start doing right, all the wrong u even thought of catches up with you and reminds you you got debts to pay. When people utter, "Karma is a bitch" take heed cause Karma sure does BITE. It grasps you with a hold that is beyond the ordinary, and the harder you fight to get free.... the stronger the bonds that have you trapped, grip around you. Tears make no difference to unrelenting Karma, as it seems like she Kanye shrugs it off; places the hurt and keeps it pushing without looking back.

So I sit and wonder, why do we play with Karma, and not pray on the knees that our Lord gave us. Why do we not think about tomorrow when we engrossed in the pleasures of today. Yes. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. I guess then, the more dirt you do, the more Karma headed your way.Karma has me in her stronghold. And as I try live out each day as best I can, I think of all the pain I have caused! all the hurt I have created, and the lack of willingness that makes me me, I weep. Weep cause I should have known better. I should have prepared myself for this.....Because honestly, what goes around comes right back around! So be wise. Be smart. and maybe when its your time to face Karma, she'll take it a lil easier on you!
Be Blessed!

Valentines 'GAG ME' Day

Sooooo.... It's that time of the year, where the weirdo's are acting like complete idiots and instead of doing things for a bit of change, they are doing extraordinary things to have a person on their arm. It's VALENTINES DAY......*screams in excitement*  And now that I actually have a year without something, excuse me, someone attached to my arm...I ASK, what is the big deal!!! I mean, at this point my question is why is half the idiot population dating! I sure as money in a bank don't know. I feel like in most instances, there has been some sort of twilight zone role reversal and the 'able' are single and the 'disabled' are dating. (oh hush i said most instances, you might be an exception)
I have never been a strong believer of valentine's day and yet somehow, over the years through all the madness, I ended up getting sucked in and low key celebrating it. So this year, i can be fully bitter and not worry about offending my significant other.Valentines day is FIBI, "For Idiots By Idiots". If he does not bring you flowers everyday and he brings u flowers on Valentines day, you should probably pack up all your things and move out now because you simply a token girlfriend and he bought you flowers cause there was a discount at work! If she cooks you breakfast in bed, she needs a reason to get you happy so she gets whatever she wants from you later, actually, don't eat the food, who knows what she put in it! OK...I KNOW....maybe not all the cases fall in this large and very well represented group, but a large portion do!
My first act as president of the world would be to REMOVE this day from the calendar! I feel like it was purposefully put halfway through black history month so instead of focusing on the many accomplishments of Black individuals, Valentines day serves as a distraction.  The first half of the month, people are worried about either how they are going to spend this RIDICULOUS day and the last half of the month, mad cause it was not everything they wanted it to be! COINCIDENCE that one of the biggest hallmark days is placed in 1 of the most historically important months...I THiNK NOT! So if you really have someone special in your life instead of being concerned with how many roses they need, I suggest you both read bout Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcom X and other greats and call it a month!