Just a quick vent...

So everything I thought about life, or believed has completely changed in the space of a year! 2010 will definitely be one of those years that I am QUITE alright saying goodbye to! I have heard about people going through life altering experiences that help them put the important issues that they need to focus on at the fore frontm but I did not realize that when life decides to start happen, it does not let up JUST because you are hurting, but instead it strikes harder!! This without a doubt is a tough pill to swallow since it is not nearly as easy to do what you have to do, when you would rather do what you want to. And yet here I am, alive and blessed and still going through the constant emotions that life is throwing at me!
My spiritual growth has been pivotal in the process of handling everything. There is no way that I could go on if I did not believe that there is something better. The phrase 'The Lord will never put you through something that you can not handle' has never rung more true. I am seeking for my salvation because nothing else in the world matters. My days of living young and free are not gone, but have definitely been redefined. My days of not caring and recklessly stepping out with no regard or emotion have long since left me! I used to view emotion as a weakness, but it has since become my biggest strength! I know I cry and express emotions sporadically now but hey it's a process.... but I know I would rather be loved today than cry tomorrow and wonder why I am alone. The idea of not being with one person for the rest of my life scares me, the idea of being desirable to a thousand people does not appeal to me as much as finding that one person who will see me for me! I have known love, I lost it, and fought the heartache that came with this loss! But now I know how I want to be loved..... I know how much love I have to give and my prayer is the Lord blesses me with a life, a love and a chance to be more than I have let myself become. 
So basically, through my experiences, what I have learnt is that as a child of God, I AM WORTHY! This therefore is my declaration to being a saved lady who lives a life that I am proud of!