In my mind...

Every once in a while, I believe we go through moments where we are forced to STOP, and see that each moment that we alive is a blessing; a gift. Those moments of clarity have you feeling so incredibly drained because the emotion is seeping through you from all angles gushing through your veins like an open wound. Consuming your every thought like a poisonous fume. Unrelenting. I just recently understood that, indeed, life is a series of moments and those moments turn into events, and once that moment has passed, there is no turning back and try get it back. So why do we exert so much energy trying to relive the moment that happened a moment ago, and why do we not realize we are losing this moment and letting it turn into a memory when we denied ourselves the option to live it. I have woken up to a newness, a new attitude to life, a person that is not in search of friendships but rather appreciates the true ones that she has. I am no longer feeling lost, nor am I feeling lonely, because I am not a single being, and I am not lost because through this journey I never walk alone. I can’t expect a change in the people that I let into my life If I do not take responsibility for the part that I am the one letting randoms into it. I am too wise to let people that I believe are my friends hold me back, I am too confident to let people try bring me down. I am on a mission, I can succeed, and the Lord knows I will because I have already accomplished, I have already achieved. I am tired of caring too much, and yet exhausted by my lack of emotion. I feel like a walking contradiction, a piece of jumbled art. I no longer want to want. I no longer have a desire to need, rather a drive to BECOME envelops me, and takes over my entire being. I am a vessel, and my purpose will be realized. I no longer care to just exist, I choose to live.