My Ugly Truth. . .

RELATIONSHIPS!!!! Hate them…. Love them… they still exist right! I feel like somebody should hand us a handbook when we first decide to date that lets us know that once you embark on this journey, there’s no turning back! And on the front cover of each manual in big bold letters should be a warning sign that simply states “NOT RECOMMENDED FOR THE FAINT HEARTED”, because frankly it isn’t! I consider myself a pretty strong woman. I am smart. I am wise. I know how to take care of myself. I, (if you ask me) am the ideal woman! Why then do I find myself in the same place as everyone, else, Confused. And non- believing.
I have a theory…. Allow me to explain it. I KNOW what I want in a man. I want a compassionate, charismatic, caring, man who is STRONG enough to stand BY me. Not behind me, not in front of me, but NEXT to me. Easy right! I know my Mr. Right! But what gives me the audacity to have such high expectations when I myself am a work in progress. I know for a fact, in my last relationship I had all these ideas and wonderful thoughts on how me and him would be. We were so amazing together and I know and still to this day I believe, there was real love resided there. However, I did not see the how to, I only focused on the WILL. I expected him to be the person that I wanted him to be in our “future” lives. I put undue pressure on him… He thought I didn’t believe in him, and need I say more… HE IS AN EX. I do not apologize nor do I feel bad for having these thoughts and expectations nor do I blame him for not being adequate, however, I do acknowledge that there are things we could have done better. Nurtured our love and allowed it a chance to make mistakes and still grow. I went into that relationship knowing what kind of person he was and where he was on his maturity and growth phase in life. I knew what his vices were… and still I dove right in. HEAD FIRST and heart all open. Hence it is my bad that I landed HEAD FIRST on a hard surface. I got hurt, broken and for a while I didn’t think I would stand up again.
I deter from my point, but I know many people have felt this way. Why do we fall in love, and get our hearts broken? Think about this for a second; If you shop at the dollar store, and you looking for a GUCCI purse chances are, u gonna leave with DUCCI. Almost GUCCI but the reality is, it’s just an imitation. That’s what we are all doing right now… shopping at the dollar store. Relationships, or rather, dating, have become so impersonal, especially with the introduction of terms like “casual dating” “open relationships” or “kicking it”. We look for surface deep gratification, don’t dig far enough within ourselves to figure out that that person is not gonna be our satisfaction. We live through our hopeless notions and ideas during the honeymoon phase, then when reality hits, we inevitably end up with our heads and hearts all over the hard surface.
I do not claim to be an expert on anything, especially matters of the heart. But if my words are my strength, allow me to empower you by saying true love is not some kind of substance in the air. You can not catch it, and actually I don’t believe it can be “figured out”. True love exists within ourselves. It is easier to find the perfect partner for you if you can identify who yourself are. Stop blaming all your heartache on other people because the common factor in all your failed relationships is you. Love you so other people can see the real reason why loving you is worth it. I leave you with a quote from an anonymous source, “Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart into it, take yourself out of it.”
~LOVE.LIVE.LEARN~