Why?

So unafraid to speak and yet so terrified to listen. The absence of my silence means I have an escape from the pressure of having to hear… and not be heard. Because with hearing comes acknowledgement and isn’t that the ammunition that later fuels the fire of disappointment. If only I was the solitary being that had the ability to speak in this whole entire universe, then only I could be heard, and I would be the reason for my own heartache. I would rather fall victim to my own voice, then only I would be to blame. However, since life has not dealt me such a lucky hand, I find myself in the midst of thousands of webs of deceit that have been woven around me. Wound so ardently that all the violence, starvation, pain and sorrow stems from one of these unruly webs. I refuse to be a victim of circumstance. I cannot let the world dispense the dark cards of an ugly fate that so many have fallen prey to. I am learning to show humanity that I do not fear man, but God. I am my own individual, I am my only I that knows how to live MY life. With the world having no control over me, I have no expectations, no let downs and most importantly no grievances.
Why do I write you may be wondering? What is my purpose?
What frustrates me is not the inability to distance my own self from the rest of the world, but rather the fact that I am secure within myself and yet, no difference in the world have I been able to make. Why can I not wave a magic wand and heal those weakened by diseases, dry the eyes of a hungry orphan that has been left alone due to parents inability to protect themselves from HIV/AIDS. I have all of me still with me, no ailments and definitely no hunger. Why then can I not be an ear to a desperate voice, a cushion to a falling soul and an answer to questions that invade all mankind.