Just a quick vent...

So everything I thought about life, or believed has completely changed in the space of a year! 2010 will definitely be one of those years that I am QUITE alright saying goodbye to! I have heard about people going through life altering experiences that help them put the important issues that they need to focus on at the fore frontm but I did not realize that when life decides to start happen, it does not let up JUST because you are hurting, but instead it strikes harder!! This without a doubt is a tough pill to swallow since it is not nearly as easy to do what you have to do, when you would rather do what you want to. And yet here I am, alive and blessed and still going through the constant emotions that life is throwing at me!
My spiritual growth has been pivotal in the process of handling everything. There is no way that I could go on if I did not believe that there is something better. The phrase 'The Lord will never put you through something that you can not handle' has never rung more true. I am seeking for my salvation because nothing else in the world matters. My days of living young and free are not gone, but have definitely been redefined. My days of not caring and recklessly stepping out with no regard or emotion have long since left me! I used to view emotion as a weakness, but it has since become my biggest strength! I know I cry and express emotions sporadically now but hey it's a process.... but I know I would rather be loved today than cry tomorrow and wonder why I am alone. The idea of not being with one person for the rest of my life scares me, the idea of being desirable to a thousand people does not appeal to me as much as finding that one person who will see me for me! I have known love, I lost it, and fought the heartache that came with this loss! But now I know how I want to be loved..... I know how much love I have to give and my prayer is the Lord blesses me with a life, a love and a chance to be more than I have let myself become. 
So basically, through my experiences, what I have learnt is that as a child of God, I AM WORTHY! This therefore is my declaration to being a saved lady who lives a life that I am proud of!

Quick Guide on How To Understand An Aquarius Woman!

So if you know me, you know I'm not even the one to be quoting no kinda astrological nothing. (except when it comes to virgos cause those I CAN NOT DO! lol!)However, that don't mean that I do not recognize that I AM AN AQUARIUS!... It's been said...and i quote..

"Her dreams are very different from that of a normal female and she hums a different tune, which most of us have not even heard of."

Basically..you don't get me! But here is a quick guide on how to stay on this mysterious lady's good side:

1: "Loyal but detached and extremely non-emotional" so BASICALLY what that means is gain my loyalty...and I got you. Just don't start talking no 'Love Mess' cause I don't swim in that stream. Don't play me...Don't start nothing. So just flow with my flow. 

2: "she loves her freedom and if you accept this, she will love you more."...the book couldn't have said it any clearer...DON'T SMOTHER ME! This is that classic, 'don't call me, I'll call you' status. Not that I do not like attention, but I'm a strong believer of moderation.

3: "she will trust you completely, and will not be suspicious of your activities."-- Basically because I know what a great catch I am, I will not expect you to cheat. So as easy I am to play because I am totally unassuming, I am also very easy to lose, cause once I'm gone...I'm gone! PERIOD!

4: "she will always want to know your deepest thoughts and secrets, but her dreams are out of reach." -- You talk, I listen...I'm not the topic of conversation, if you NEED to know something, I'll tell you, the rest...Is my business!

5: "An Aquarius female may find it difficult to express her love in the form of hugs and kisses and you will have to teach her that"-- calm down...I'm working on it!!!

So let me be strange, let me be unusual! Take me as I am, cause I sure will take you as you are.I'm a 'heavenly bohemian' I live by my rules. That's all I know...actually, that's all that works!
 

IT is WHAT IT is!!!!

Ok…..wow! So I just had a game revelation! I don’t mean football but I mean “The GAME” as in the best show ever. I’ll give those not up to game a quick play by play so you understand the situation before I share my revelation. So there is Melanie, who moves with her college sweetheart, Derwin, to a new state so he can play professional football. She gives up her life and her dreams so he can achieve whatever he thinks he needs to achieve and of course he messes it up, cheats and they break up. Then while they broken up he meets Janay, and then she gets pregnant. But of course, Derwin is still in love with Melanie, she in love with him, and Janay now stuck in the middle. So until recently, I did not like Janay cause she killed the happily ever after that was meant to be Derwin and Melanie’s!



BUT….. I just had a thought!!!!!! Ok, why hate on Janay!!!!


In reality, I think everybody has one or two people in their lives that they fall “stoopid” for. Right, and if that person loves you back, (or you think they do) then we have a Melanie and Derwin situation. The fairytale begins, and all that great stuff…. Then when that ends, and someone else steps in they immediately become a Janay. Their chances are half-ass cause they can never be, that person that gave you the initial butterflies, and made you all light headed just by thinking about them. We let the reality of our lives be clouded by the fantasy of what may be… The reality which is there is NO PERFECT situation!!! No happily ever after….Just WHAT IS! So I think the quicker people accept their reality and stop chasing the ‘what may’ this here life we live shall be a little more bearable!

my future love. . .

I do not know you, but every part of me loves you. That special type of love that knows no bounds and no limits; Nothing in the world compares to what you mean to me. From the moment we meet and we lock eyes, to the moment I breathe my last, I know nothing can equate to the knowledge of knowing that…you…. Belong to me! I’m humbled to know you are in my life that I will be blessed to love you, cry with you, laugh with you and place my greatest hopes on you. The Lord gave you to me for a reason, he could have chosen anybody else, but he chose you for me. He placed you in my heart and everyday I thank him and praise him in advance because even though I do not know you… you have already changed my life.


I think of your smile, the shape of your eyes and the contours of your face. How I long to touch you, to feel your heartbeat against mine, and to share moments that will for eternity be lodged in my memory and in my heart. I pray I do not disappoint you, and each day I pray for strength that the Lord may mould me further into the woman I am meant to be for you. That my own insecurities and fears do not overwhelm me and hold me back from actively and efficiently being the Tatenda that you will require me to be. I am changing….and its because of you. I do not know you, but every part of me thanks you for changing my life.

Case of the Lion

I remember the last time I went to the Zoo or wherever it was that it was, I was sitting on the little bus that takes you on the Safari ride (RIGHT: the on that’s meant to make you feel like you one with Africa *eye roll*) Anyway, so while I was riding, I remember looking and thinking how pretty flawless and majestic the pride of lions looked. SO happy and in sync with one another. The lions were perched up, sitting all proud and observing us, observe them and still at this time knowing that the lionesses and cubs were in fair distance, seemingly unconcerned with us. And still as calmly as the lions sat you could feel that if anyone tried to mess with their pride, they will be up in no time, to defend their own.

So here I start my train of thought which will lead me to my bold declaration. . . why have lions mastered the art of trust and protection which leads to harmonious living, and we humans can’t even figure it out. Here I am, this strong stubborn young lady, (who in every sense would be a perfect lioness) and yet, I have trouble letting a man, play the role of the lion ( I got that classic, ‘YOU WANT ME TO TRUST HIM TO PROTECT WHO’ mentality). Who’s fault is that some wise soul might ask….. NOT MINE I reply! Here is what I figure. My whole life every man that has ever been in my life has actually never given me the sense of security to where I can be careless enough to let my guard down and think that if anyone tried to attack me, MY LION would jump in and save me. So of course, I blame the men. What happened during creation that God gave the lion a sense of protecting their lionesses and God forgot to give this to our human male. I feel like the classic human male sits, perched  proud and what not but ABSOLUTELY unable to spring up and save anything. As I write this, I hear my mother’s voice telling me, “you have to let the man be a man.” And I say, NONSENSE MAMA, if I let the man lead, Mr. I’m  NOT so nice predator man, WILL eat me and my cub up. So NO… I say u sit there proud man, you look the part, but don’t you worry about me trusting you to play it…. BECAUSE I DON’T!

Aint Karma a Bitch!

I been gone a while, stuck in my head, seemingly bearing the worlds weight on my shoulders. I been struggling to keep afloat amidst the mass distractions that keep pulling me down. The pain, the anger, the inability to simply have one question answered....WHY???

Doesn't it always seem like the moment you decide to start doing right, all the wrong u even thought of catches up with you and reminds you you got debts to pay. When people utter, "Karma is a bitch" take heed cause Karma sure does BITE. It grasps you with a hold that is beyond the ordinary, and the harder you fight to get free.... the stronger the bonds that have you trapped, grip around you. Tears make no difference to unrelenting Karma, as it seems like she Kanye shrugs it off; places the hurt and keeps it pushing without looking back.

So I sit and wonder, why do we play with Karma, and not pray on the knees that our Lord gave us. Why do we not think about tomorrow when we engrossed in the pleasures of today. Yes. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. I guess then, the more dirt you do, the more Karma headed your way.Karma has me in her stronghold. And as I try live out each day as best I can, I think of all the pain I have caused! all the hurt I have created, and the lack of willingness that makes me me, I weep. Weep cause I should have known better. I should have prepared myself for this.....Because honestly, what goes around comes right back around! So be wise. Be smart. and maybe when its your time to face Karma, she'll take it a lil easier on you!
Be Blessed!

Valentines 'GAG ME' Day

Sooooo.... It's that time of the year, where the weirdo's are acting like complete idiots and instead of doing things for a bit of change, they are doing extraordinary things to have a person on their arm. It's VALENTINES DAY......*screams in excitement*  And now that I actually have a year without something, excuse me, someone attached to my arm...I ASK, what is the big deal!!! I mean, at this point my question is why is half the idiot population dating! I sure as money in a bank don't know. I feel like in most instances, there has been some sort of twilight zone role reversal and the 'able' are single and the 'disabled' are dating. (oh hush i said most instances, you might be an exception)
I have never been a strong believer of valentine's day and yet somehow, over the years through all the madness, I ended up getting sucked in and low key celebrating it. So this year, i can be fully bitter and not worry about offending my significant other.Valentines day is FIBI, "For Idiots By Idiots". If he does not bring you flowers everyday and he brings u flowers on Valentines day, you should probably pack up all your things and move out now because you simply a token girlfriend and he bought you flowers cause there was a discount at work! If she cooks you breakfast in bed, she needs a reason to get you happy so she gets whatever she wants from you later, actually, don't eat the food, who knows what she put in it! OK...I KNOW....maybe not all the cases fall in this large and very well represented group, but a large portion do!
My first act as president of the world would be to REMOVE this day from the calendar! I feel like it was purposefully put halfway through black history month so instead of focusing on the many accomplishments of Black individuals, Valentines day serves as a distraction.  The first half of the month, people are worried about either how they are going to spend this RIDICULOUS day and the last half of the month, mad cause it was not everything they wanted it to be! COINCIDENCE that one of the biggest hallmark days is placed in 1 of the most historically important months...I THiNK NOT! So if you really have someone special in your life instead of being concerned with how many roses they need, I suggest you both read bout Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcom X and other greats and call it a month!

My prayer. . .

I'm looking outside at the rain, filled with the greatest mixture of feelings. Right now i sit, bundled up in layers of clothing, I have a roof over my head and the loud grumble coming from my belly can be cured by a couple of steps to the refrigerator. Yet..at the same exact moment, millions around the world are not so lucky. In Haiti, an earthquake devestated basic infrastructure and broke all connections to normality the citizens knew. In the poorest parts of Africa, children lay almost lifeless, too hungry to make a sound as a distressed parent looks over their child powerless and unable to provide.

How does a world that brings such beauty such as snow on christmas, magestic wildlife and human kindness bring about the  greatest pain. As I sit here I know an answer I probably will not get, but my prayer is I ma be used as a vessel that spreads happiness. I know the loud and opinionated voice I was given was a gift, I am aware that the strong belief I have in humanity is for a reason. I Pray that as I grow older I may realize my abilities, my strength that allows me to lead others to believe in themselves, My courage that gives me the strength to face situations I would rather avoid, and the wisdom to humble myself in times when I should be a follower and not a leader.

As I sit here watching the rain fall I pray that I pray that I may be a functioning individual in society and not just a person living each day.

~Bless the people in Haiti,and all those around the world unable to chose to get out their horrible situations~

On Haiti...

At this present moment, aid is still arriving in Haiti and the main focus is to dig through all the damaged infrastructure and rescue the injured, and uncover the deceased. For breaking news go to: http://www.cnn.com/

The best way to be of assistance, is to give a monetary donation since clothes, food and all other tangible will prove to costly at this moment. An Unknown author wrote: "Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember. A kite rises against the wind, rather than with it." So let us unite and be the force that drives Haiti to rise above and against the winds of disaster!



Here are a few ways you can donate:

www.yele.org
http://www.redcross.org/
www.clintonfoundation.org
www.unicefusa.org

by calling: 1800.REDCROSS


By texting the word Haiti to 90999 and a $10 donation will be added to the donor's monthly cell phone bill. The American Red Cross has collected over $3 million dollars thus far with this method.



Additional information is available on the American Red Cross blog at http://newsroom.redcross.org.


~Bless Haiti, and all those that have lost loved ones~

Blessings and Mercy. . .

Can not imagine being in Haiti, in the midst of all the destruction and what seems to be the gateway to hell. Raw footage I have seen saddens me, the thought of the pain the disaster has caused troubles, and the fact that in terms of comforting those bereaved I'm powerless angers me. Maybe I internalize things that I should not way too often, but I know the pain I felt when really sad situations occurred. I know the anger and pain I felt when I found out that someone close to me had passed without warning, and without as much as an explanation. I also know the frustration of seeing someone needing me, and me being powerless. I text to the place where i can make a donation.But what is my tiny bit of a contribution going to do? So all I know how to do is go back to basics and offer my thoughts, and prayers to those in Haiti:
May the world, come together and as one entity be of aid to the innocent victims who have had their world turned upside down in a matter of minutes. May the citizens be granted aid, that will begin to pacify the frantic, heal the injured, assist the confused, and administer to the weary. To the mother who lays crying over the body of her deceased childor to the child who lays somewhere terrified, no longer crying and simply wondering why his mother simply lies there and does not reach to him when he cries, may they too find solace in the hands of the able.
Words can not in any way make things better but I pray that we may  be moved to become ONE world, and  not many nations, so when things like this happen the issue is not how to provide  for the situation, but rather not enough transportation to take over the supplies necessary and the people required.
Bless Haiti, and all those that have experienced such mass devastation.

Psalm 39: 12-13 "Hear my prayers Lord, Listen to my cries for help. Don't ignore my tears. Spare me so I can smile again."

raw footage: http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhd4jO2LN3U8fO98Fz

dzue's experiment on the workings of a black girls mind

I've been in class for approximately 9 and 1/2 mins and my teacher is showing us family portraits (WTF)! Since I am clearly not interested, I decided to step out of my finance major and take up sociology for a couple of minutes: I conducted a dzue experiment.

QUESTION: Are black girls natural born haters

BACKGROUND: I'm sitting in a large lecture hall somewhere in the back(but still in the class)  It's a junior and above class so by now, most of us know at least one person in class-nothing race specific about this, simply a fact!!But sometimes, people don't and this is where things get interesting with the black girl population and thus begins my experiment. We(black girls) walk in, do a quick look over to see whether a familiar face is already seated, and if not proceed on taking a seat near someone that we acknowledged as an "interest point".

METHOD: I'll pick on the girl that just walked in and use her as an example for those that have no clue what I am talking about. She is cute, well put together and clearly has that oh so black mentality(that I lo-key posess too cause the fact that she was cute is irrelevant). So, I play girl B and my familiar face is already sitting next to me, and he(for results of experiments sake) is black. So girl walks in, looks at me and (does the quick hater sweep, as I do the same) proceeds to sit in the row right in front of me. Lost at what the big deal is....let me break it down!

ANALYSIS:

•  Girl A walks in finds no familiar face, so proceeds to next best thing another black girl with the same kind of characteristics.(In this case we both wearing loud bracelets and same type of 'i'm not here to make friends' look)
• Girl B acknowledges girl by holding a look then looking at seat infront of her to say it was ok.
• Girl A sits infront of Girl B without a word
• Both girls know within 1 or 2 classes they could possibly have exchanged numbers. Just not today, cause those are just not rules of black girl engagement.

RESULTS: The reason I single out black girls is cause black guys don't care, they just look for the girl that they are most attracted to and sit in noticeable distance. White girls seem to walk in and instantly start talking to whoever lands next to them, and the white guys in class always seem to have a girlfriend so they are void from my theory. We, black girls seem to have a chip that says assess the next girl gauge how much competition she'll be and stay close. You'll either talk to her, and if you don't at least she'll know you there.

CONCLUSION: Black girls are natural haters and we don't mean to, it simply is

Tigers' moods!!!!!

Yesterday I walked into a golf store, and was walking around, looking around when i realized, something was different! The life size posters of Tiger Woods were down, and in his place was some other dude! and I may not know a lot about golf, but I know Tiger Woods was the face of Nike.... well should I say was!
 I am in NO way trying to say having 14 jump-offs was a good thing to do but HELLO... have we not forgotten that point blank and period, Tiger Woods was beyond ridiculous when it comes to golfing. That man, did things on that golf course that many people could ever hope to achieve. And as usual when he was "happily married" and living a nice and quiet life, we all applauded his achievements.
I am starting to think the problem is society. I mean, we hold these celebrities in such high regard, and put them on a "beyond human" platform, forcing these EXTREMELY human individuals to become 'super-humans'. I'm saying, Tiger's wife probably knew what kind of man he was when they got together. I do not think this extremely "perfect" man woke up and decided...YES I am going to break this oh so perfect life I have and begin cheating today! ummm NO, this dude BEN cheating! and his wife KNEW this. They always do, Kobe's wife knew, Shaq's wife knew, Federer's wife will know and believe me, Tiger's wife had to have known.
So back to my point, why is it that we let our personal feelings ruin something that does not concern us. Tiger Woods to me, was a golfer. Nothing more nothing less. If I flipped the channel to PGA golf it was not to see anything beyond this man put in work on the golf course.
So I say, yes.... the man messed up big time. But all this business about dropping endorsements and saying how bad a dude this dude was is ridiculous. I don't care if Tiger was once a woman, he is what he is, human. So how about people start reporting about things that matter, let Tiger play so we can enjoy watching his brilliance and let him figure out his demons.
On to the next one PLEASE!

I mean. . . stop tryna make me mad GET IT TOGETHER

Quite frankly, in 2010, people took president Obama's inaugaration and message of hope the completely wrong way. This was not an "all clear" for everybody to start acting a fool.


#1: It is simply NOT OK, for guys to be wearing skinny jeans. I don't get care if you created jerkin or you come from a long line of tight wearing men, it just aint cute. That being said, we don't want to see your ENTIRE ass, that is NOT OK either. So gents, get it together and find a happy median!


#2: It was never cool and is less cool now to be walking around bragging about being a player! It is not cute, it makes no sense, and why on earth can't you get your mind right. If you don't wanna be in a relationship don't if you do STAY FOCUSED!


#3: We live in a texting generation, learn some texting etiquette. The general rule is if you going to text, make sure you have something to talk about  "Hi" simply wont cut it, and how many 3 text conversations can 2 individuals have a day! GET IT TOGETHER Folks


#4: Speaking of texting, asking for pics is simply sooooo high school. I mean DANG! It's annoying and its tacky and if a person wants to send pictures they will... Stop begging!


#5: Stop waiting around for things to happen to you. Make things happen. Each moment leads forward to the next, never backwards to the last. So stop wasting time, get your head screwed on right and work for what you want.


#6: Leading from my last, if you still decide you wanna sit around and wait, sit in a corner where you are not in any one's way. People worse than those that decide to sit around and wait, are those that sit and block other people's  way. Not handling yours does not mean I don't want to handle mine.MOVE!


#7: By golly let it go. Whatever chip you have on your shoulder is not worth it. I'm still learning but letting go of some things is the greatest freedom you can give yourself.BE FREE


#8: Stay true to  you. The more honest you are with you the more honest you can be with people around you. Yes you may be viewed as bitchy. But at least you are going to be an honest one! LOL. Trying to be takes WWAAAYY more time than just being. SO BE.


#9: STOP TRIPPIN'! Life happens. Shit stanks but that don't mean the initial discomfort don't go away. But if you have a reason to trip, by all means... handle yours.

#10: Tomorrow is never promised. Live wisely. Love effortlessly. Learn profusely.

Ode to true friendship

Now that I have stopped complaining about all the sadness that surrounds my life, I feel enlightened! i am blessed with some of the greatest friends that I know without them, my life would not be what it is today.I would still be depressed, sad or confused. Through my hardest heartbreak, my friends strength gave me strength. So this blog is dedicated to those that know me better than I know myself sometimes, to those that have helped me grow into my own, and have shown me that with a little love and patience(hahaha Kass) all things are possible. The wind beneath the wings that allow me to soar and fly above...
Those closest to me, all have 3 qualities in common. First and foremost, honesty. There is nothing more refreshing than having someone in your life who is able to step back from the responses they know you want and give you the responses they know you need. A friend who knows knows when to nod and agree with your stupid suggestions such as torching your ex boyfriends car, and shaking you to come back to your senses when you claim you are sooo hungry you could eat an entire cow. (cause clearly only a good friend could know which one makes sense and which one doesnt) Second quality is 'syncness' if that is even a word. But honestly how many people in your lives do you not need to finish your every thought with. A person who when you are at your bitchiest does not hang up the phone but rather bitches back till you both hysterically laughing and you do not know why! And last but not least is trust. A true friendship requires that you love and trust someone completely that you would not second guess them with your hardest decisions, you call them without realizing and they are there even after the times you neglected them when you were all focused on your previous boyfriend.
I have many people in my life that could fall into 2 of 3 categories and only a few that possess all three. To those few that know what mood Im in by my hello, know im nervous based on what i order on the value menu, and know to give me space based on what is playing on my ipod, i want to say thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life and i hope i can be that friend that you are to me for eternity.

with love.... on christmas

If one more person says to me, “Seasons Greetings”, I might have to jump off the nearest 5 storey building. It is not that I am not happy that it’s the festive season , but what happened to the true meaning of Christmas. What Season am I getting greeted for, WINTER?? For me, It has become so commercial, so unrelated to what we are meant to be celebrating: The birth of Jesus! Holiday traffic is ridiculous and what is even worse is people are not going to church, but to the mall to PURCHASE something that they will give away as a gift, only because at Christmas that is what you do, give gifts. People that do not even believe in God, walking around ‘spreading holiday cheer’… but I ask FOR WHAT REASON! I remember growing up, in my family Christmas was the best time EVER not because I got presents, (Cause I hardly ever did, lol) but because it was a time I knew that my entire family would be together. It was the one time, we would all gather, sing songs on end and just appreciate the love we all shared as a family in a Christian home. I am not the BEST Christian in the world, I ask thousands of questions, and to some that have been answered to me I don’t like the answer. But I acknowledge that I am indeed, a child of God, and through all my faults, God walks with me, and never has given up on me, regardless of how mad I know I make him sometimes. For this unconditional love, I REFUSE to use such an important time for commercial use and gain. The gifts that I give will be out of love and respect, and the true value of Christmas, I will try focus on my growth through my journey to become a virtuous woman through my actions. I am not perfect, and not at all without sin, But I strive to believe and to appreciate that sacrifices were made, so I could walk this earth today.



So I wish you a Merry Christmas, and urge you to spend time with those that you love and to be a blessing onto others, as you would want them to be a blessing on you, because TOMORROW, is never promised.

Radom thoughts. . .

So this year is one of those years that I am not MAD to see end! I look back at 2009 with sadness, admiration and a sense of fulfillment. Sadness based on the fact that seeing the feelings that were inside me and the motions I went through would cause even the most unsympathetic person to be moved greatly. I believe in our lives, the Lord never tests us more than we can handle, but this year…. I felt like he had simply forgotten to turn off the “still testing Tatenda” button and he had it all the way up on the highest possible level. I felt a deep rooted feeling of loneliness that knew no bounds and was masked with the brightest smile, any angel could effortlessly provide. The admiration is based on that through everything, even the moments that were felt as though should be the last…there was a glimmer of hope that kept me functioning and allowed me to trudge through the dirt and onto the next. And last but not least the fulfillment, because now that I have cleansed myself of the self doubt the fear, and let go of the things that weighed heaviest on me, I realize I gave myself freedom. Freedom to believe in my potential.



It is crazy that in the centre of all the seriousness in our lives, an issue that everyone both loves and hates is that that deals with matters of the heart. I am no exception, as much as I do not care about much, when it comes to my feelings being hurt, I am not all smiles. I came to a realization though, and I may have already talked about this but like I said, I WAS THINKING: So many people have the “OR” factor and never the “AND”. By this I mean, so often people meet a certain aspect of what you feel you want but then lack in large part the other part. I’ll use my wants as an illustration. My “type” of guy is that dude, who is a dude. A man who is tough, not only looking but thinks tough. And I do not mean he is thinking of killing people, but rather possesses the complex rationale that has me intrigued and inspires me to elevate my thinking. The latter part of this year I have been living the life of a single young lady and half the guys that presented themselves either look as tough as I want them to, but lack that mental that is very important. I understand it is not a lacklessness in the guys that I meet, but that they are just not for me. In 2009 I realized that too often in my life I allow the not worthy aspects of my character and life get main attraction by dealing with the guys that do not elevate me but rather force me to stay stagnant or regress on the me that I was yesterday. Like Monica said, “I am not who I was yesterday” and therefore my pledge to myself, is that with each new breath that I take, I will do my hardest to make it as true to myself as I possibly can, and in so doing, be true to those that care about me. So here starts my countdown to 2010, to a better me…

FIGHT AGAINST AIDS. . .

Tragedies have come through the years but nothing has taken over as the HIV/AIDS epidemic. For every 1 person having sex at a given second, 1.8 lives are lost to HIV/AIDS. Are people even aware that AIDS stands for “Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome”? Do people know that a person can live years with the virus, but not have contracted AIDS? How is it possible that in this day and age one of the world’s top killers still does not get the adequate attention that it should?

How can people still live their lives in such disregard by not practicing safe sex? How can people put their lives as well as the lives of others on a balance by being promiscuous? Each and every one of us has either known a relative, friend, or acquaintance or even heard about a stranger who has lost their life to HIV/AIDS. I can speak first hand on how painful it is to watch someone lose their very existence. Come from a healthy, active person, to a frail child-like vessel without an ounce of strength to lift up their hand and eat: to wither away to a state of nothingness.

In a world overwhelmed with sex, there seems to be a discord between the euphoric feelings and sensations that lead people to being sexually active, and the heart wrenching deterioration of him/her that becomes an AIDS victim. I feel it is the responsibility of each and every one of us to know our status. And from there actively advocate for safe sex and awareness of HIV/AIDS. We talk about being the generation of change, why then can we not change the fate we are headed for, by becoming a part of the solution rather than the means for the cause!? World AIDS day is December 1st, and yes whilst not all of us believe in going out and standing up for a cause through community service, each can make a personal pledge to get tested, know their status and wrap it up! Elizabeth Taylor said, “It is bad enough people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance.” So I challenge everyone, to be safer, to be wiser and to be an active member in this fight against AIDS.

What is this. . .

Lingering eye contact, hand holding, kisses on the cheek, tongue kissing, why is our world so consumed by sex. My friend and I were talking about how relationships seem to be the new fashion accessory, and everyone “is rocking” it. However, as we all know just because something is in fashion does not mean that EVERYONE should be trying it. I mean, we all know there are some people who have no business wearing low cut shirts, strapless clothes, and skinny jeans even are not for everyone, period. And this latest fashion accessory, “relationships” is not for everyone either. Sometimes, when it works its like those perfect pair of shoes that complete an outfit, HOWEVER, sometimes its like that awkward bright pink shirt that that manly dude should just not be wearing. It seems like somehow, someway people just decided to stop with standards and expectations and have straight up lost it.



Females have thrown away the aspect of class, and clearly some misunderstand the meaning of sexy and sassy. Every guy has become an option when we know that aint how it should be. There is no need to be an ignorant trick to get yours, and lately that is all I see. It seems like the sluttier and less educated the women are the more guys they attract, and sadly now that every other Jane has caught onto this, we see an influx of less smart slutty Jane infiltrating the scene. I mean, I am not sitting here saying don’t be a slut if that’s what you feel is in your spirit, but don’t do it to do it.


Then my dear black men. What is going on? Since when was a female meant to bend over backwards to impress you and you do not show no kind of appreciation. I am so sick of hearing, “COME SEE ME!” “WHEN YOU COMING TO KICK IT WITH ME” “WHEN ARE YOU….” Well let me just answer every question that begins with “when are you….” Ummmm NEVER! Did you miss the lesson when they told you your woman is your heart, your support, and you should treat her as you would want someone to treat your mother? The woman is meant to be chased period. I understand not every woman appreciates that but come on now, let her tell her that aint what she into…Don’t assume! Obviously, lots of y’all missed that lesson cause women are walking around bruised, battered and broken. That is simply NOT a good look. What happened to good old respect for each other, love and compassion, commitment and fun. A relationship is not a 9-5, it’s a support system that you chose to be a part of so don’t act like you got forced into it… I’m just saying…

In my mind...

Every once in a while, I believe we go through moments where we are forced to STOP, and see that each moment that we alive is a blessing; a gift. Those moments of clarity have you feeling so incredibly drained because the emotion is seeping through you from all angles gushing through your veins like an open wound. Consuming your every thought like a poisonous fume. Unrelenting. I just recently understood that, indeed, life is a series of moments and those moments turn into events, and once that moment has passed, there is no turning back and try get it back. So why do we exert so much energy trying to relive the moment that happened a moment ago, and why do we not realize we are losing this moment and letting it turn into a memory when we denied ourselves the option to live it. I have woken up to a newness, a new attitude to life, a person that is not in search of friendships but rather appreciates the true ones that she has. I am no longer feeling lost, nor am I feeling lonely, because I am not a single being, and I am not lost because through this journey I never walk alone. I can’t expect a change in the people that I let into my life If I do not take responsibility for the part that I am the one letting randoms into it. I am too wise to let people that I believe are my friends hold me back, I am too confident to let people try bring me down. I am on a mission, I can succeed, and the Lord knows I will because I have already accomplished, I have already achieved. I am tired of caring too much, and yet exhausted by my lack of emotion. I feel like a walking contradiction, a piece of jumbled art. I no longer want to want. I no longer have a desire to need, rather a drive to BECOME envelops me, and takes over my entire being. I am a vessel, and my purpose will be realized. I no longer care to just exist, I choose to live.

WHAT...WHAT....WHAT....

So y'all should already know I blog when something is on my mind! And YESSS.....something is on my mind!!! K, so foreal tho...first T.I and now they tryin to put my Wayne in JAIL! man....I mean do we not have real problems? Excuse me Mr. Sherriff sir that arrested Lil Wayne on that bus incident in New York in 2007, have you found Osama Bin Laden???? No??? You haven??? Oh right, you were busy looking for "illegal substances" in Wayne's bus! k K K....I own the fact that YES, he shoulda ben not had a gun on the bus, but DID ANYONE die??? IM COOL! All my friends and Family are cool, Lil wayne aint shoot none of them! So WHATS THE PROBLEM! (And if he did it was probably cause they were in his way)
I am not angry and disgruntled as I was before because I realize that Weezy is going to channel all his emotions into his music and is going to leave us with a mixtape each month of his jail term. WHAT! y'all can't stop greatness.....

Im just saying!!!!